Adrift, soon to be lost

I spent the day at the hospice, watching my mother decline, floating in and out of coherent consciousness, her skin turning sallow and translucent, and feeding her with a spoon because she no longer has the strength to do it herself.

I was glad that she has a window in her room so she could see the pretty day outside. It was one of those days of honey-colored light, the air light and fresh, the leaves of the trees glittering in the gentle wind. Doves fluttered outside the window at a bird feeder, competing for whatever was left to eat. A group of them gathered on the wall behind it, making that mournful sound that will now always make me think of this day, a day when I wondered if my mom knew what the day outside her window was like. I hoped she could, because I knew it would be one of the last she would see.

It was a difficult day again, a day of tears, a day of remembering how things used to be, and a day during which my sister and I worried about what the future will hold for my dad. His life partner is going to be gone, and I can’t even imagine how lost and devastated he will feel. Our grief will pale in comparison to his.

At the end of the day, I happened to look at the sheet that covered the bottom of the bed on which my mom was resting. Printed on it was “To report lost items, call (602) 555-5173.”

Oh, please, could I just call that number and have my mom back??


2 thoughts on “Adrift, soon to be lost

  1. Wow. I know this must be unbelievably painful. We lost my in-laws over the last few years and I know how painful that was for me after being in their family for over 30 years. Still, to lose a parent must be a more personal loss than I can imagine. Again, we send you and your family our thoughts and prayers.

  2. Words are not enough. We always know throughout our lives that these days will come but we cannot really prepare for them. Growing up we always believe that our parents are strong so it comes as a blow to find that that is no longer the case. I think within myself that the tragedy of losing a parent is twofold. First the fear, that may lie within that parent, of what happens next and secondly the realization of our own destiny. This is a tough time for all involved, but you know you will get through it. I wish you the best in this trying time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s